Tammy Fae …

To be honest with you - I never thought all that highly about Tammy Fae Messner. Although, to me, she always was Tammy Fae Baker…

Growing up isn’t all that easy for a gay boy in an Evangelical Christian household. After my parents learned I was gay, I spent a lot of time in church where I was prayed over, went through religious “therapy”, and was constantly reminded that gay people were sinners with no hope of salvation.

I got that message loud and clear at home as well - and not just from my parents - but, on the TV too. We watched our fair share of televangelists (more so at my Grandma’s house as my parents preferred religious figures who could shake your hand after the service) and yes, we watched PTL with Jim & Tammy Fae Baker. So, when Jim Baker would talk about the shameful “Sin” of homosexuality with his wife standing by his side - I figured they were all alike.

At this point in my life, I was struggling enough already to accept my own gay feelings. Those who know my coming out story (which I’ll post at a later time) know that I had started to figure out I was gay at an early age - and knew all too well that there were people out there who thought homosexuality was ok, but there were even more out there who thought that it was not. I tried to not let those who were anti-gay influence me too much. But, still, it was a lot for a young teen to deal with. It wasn’t like we had a lot of gay-positive role models back in the mid-1980s…

I just always assumed Tammy Fae was one of those anti-gay people, and dismissed her whenever I heard her name. Unfortunately, with her, and all that makeup, the air-conditioned dog houses - it wasn’t all that hard.

Somewhere along the way, Tammy Fae taught me something rather important about myself. I, who had put in so much hard work breaking down stereotypes and fighting prejudice, should have taken a long hard look at myself a long time before I did. Yep. I stereotyped her. Yep. I was somewhat prejudiced against those gay hating homophobic evangelical types.

And when I found out she was going to be on The Surreal Life, even though I hate “reality television” I thought to myself - “oh, that’s bound to be interesting.” When I found out who she was going to be living with - namely, porn-star Ron Jeremy - I decided to watch. Just one episode. I’m no Ron Jeremy fan. I’m no Vanilla Ice fan. (Far from it, actually.) I wasn’t an Eric Estrada fan either - although he was part of the reason I discovered I had a uniform fetish - but that’s besides the point. I just knew the former televangelist was going say something, and I was waiting for it … waiting for it … and … damn.

She not only seemed to mind sharing a house with a porn star - she actually seemed to make him her friend.

What The Fudge-sickle? Where’s the lady who used to stand by her husband while he talked about (among other things) the evils of pornography? (After all porn was just as bad as being gay.)

After that - the more I learned about Tammy Fae - the worse I started to feel. I totally misjudged her.

While it’s true that she never said anything on television while I was growing up in defense of the shameful homosexuals her husband would pray for on national television for - she, herself, never said anything like that. Not even close. She never seemed to have a bad word to say about anyone. She seemed to love and respect everyone.

I have often said that most of the Evangelicals I have ever met (or even heard about) seemed to forget a couple of Jesus’ most important messages: “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” or even that whole “Love your neighbor” thing. Tammy Fae, I guess, was actually all about that.

Somehow I missed some of her accomplishments. I missed it when, back in the 80s, she talked with a person dying of AIDS on her Christian show. (Keep in mind it was a HUGE taboo back then.) I missed it in 1996 when she hosted the “Jm J and Tammy Fae Show” with Jm J. Bullock (a - gasp - homosexual). I missed it when she told Larry King that she always admired the gay community. I missed it when she said that “God loves everyone.”

I am sorry, Tammy Fae.

I hope you rest in peace.

Thank you.