Going in to have you pet scanned can be a scary ordeal … especially if you don’t have a pet. For a few days, you talk with your friends, to see if you can borrow their pets. And, Sure, your friends will tell you that you can borrow their cat or dog … but when the day finally comes around, you’ll find yourself sitting in the waiting room without a furry creature to try and pass off as your own and… yeah, I know … I’m joking. (Although, I do believe that pets can make ANY situation better.)
When your doctor orders you to get a PET Scan, he’s not going to tell you much about it. If you’re lucky, he’ll inform you that a PET Scan is a very good way to scan all your internal organs to see if they have cancer. Personally, I think that’s all most doctors (or, at least most of the doctors I’ve recently seen) know about it.
Everyone else, It seems, thinks they’re an expert on it.
In the week prior to my PET Scan, I heard so many stories about PET Scans… about how they will hand you a glass the size of Volkswagen Beetle filled with a liquid that takes like crap (if you’re lucky, you’ll get a flavored one, which tastes like cherry or grape flavored crap) and expect you to drink it until you just can’t take it anymore, and then, when you’re one step away from puking all over the person who gave it to you, they’ll hand you another one … about how they will strap you onto this table that jerks you around like it were a carnival ride while telling you to hold perfectly still … about how the machine that they stick you into is about as loud as a jet engine … about how … well, let’s just say you’ll hear nothing but horror stories.
You’ll also get a few weird stories too… about how someone went through an airport after their PET Scan and was detained by security for twelve hours because they had set off some kind of sensor … or about this lady who’s prescription medications caused an interaction with the drugs they gave her during the pet scan and she died … or … sigh …
Honestly, though … the reality of the situation isn’t nearly as bad as any of that.
The day before the PET Scan, I was called by the people doing the procedure and was told to report to the Emergency Room at two o’clock. However, there were a few things I needed to do first. For twenty-four hours before the procedure, I had to be on a No Carb diet. This, I found out, is nearly impossible because everything seems to have some carbs in it. After reading food boxes for several hours, I was finally able to figure out how to eat dinner.
The only other major thing was that I was not to eat or drink anything other than water for eight hours before the procedure. Personally, I think they need to pass a Federal Law that states these kind of tests must be run first thing in the morning because forcing patients to go without food for that long while being awake is akin to cruel and unusual punishment. However, I did wake up early in the morning (I’m NOT a morning person) and ate some breakfast (it felt like a last meal) … and then tried to go back to sleep (key word, “tried”).
After what felt like two years had passed, it was finally two o’clock, and I entered the emergency room of the hospital and told the nurse at the little window I was there for my PET scan. Because that was the exact place I was told to go over the phone, the nurse informed me that I was in the wrong place and I needed to go somewhere else. When I finally arrived at that other place, I had to take a number and sit and wait and wait and wait until my number came up and I could start to fill out the paperwork so I could get my PET scan.
I was still filling out the paperwork when the guy came to get me to take me to the PET Scan Waiting Room, which was really nothing more than a windowless space with a few chairs. Eventually, someone else came to get me and took me out to the parking lot.
Yes, I said “the parking lot”.
Because that is where PET scans are performed these days.
When I inquired about this, I was informed that because PET scan technology is so new, and because many of the hospitals could not afford to buy their own multi-billion dollar PET scan machines, they hired another company to do the scans. The machine was located in the back of a big-rig trailer, which went around from hospital to hospital or wherever they’re needed.
Once inside the trailer, I was asked a ton of personal questions (short of my shoe size) and had my blood taken. With this blood sample, they were able to measure how much “stuff” I was to be given, as well as what my blood sugar was because apparently that’s important too.
When everything had checked out, they then injected me with what they called “radioactive sugar water” and sent me back to the PET scan waiting room.
A half hour later (actually, thirty-five minutes, if anyone was counting) they came and got me and led me to the bathroom. Apparently, this sugar water goes through your system fairly quickly and builds up in the bladder, which causes it to light up like a light-bulb during the scan.
Having successfully peed, I was then led to the machine where I was strapped to the table where I was gently glided into and out of the PET scan machine with my hands raised above my head. Five minutes until the end of my scan, my nose started to itch. Daring to move slightly, I tried to scratch the itch only to learn my arms were both asleep.
Before long, the scan was over … the lights came back on … I was unstrapped from the table. However, before this would happen, I was told there were a few things I needed to know.
The two big things were to go to the bathroom as often as I can so the radioactive stuff they shot me with could work its way out … and I could not hold any new-born babies for at least twenty-four hours because I was radioactive enough to effect toddlers but not, apparently, anybody else. (They explained that most people hold babies very close to the bladder, which is filled with the radioactive fluid, and because babies bodies are still developing, it could cause problems.) Anyway … not a problem for me …
But, it did make me want to stay clear of those new airport scanners for a while… just in case.
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