I have to admit it. I’m kind of scared right now.
Tomorrow is going to be the big day … the day I get to see the oncologist for the last time before the chemo/radiation hell starts. It seems like it’s been forever since my last visit, although it has only been a few weeks. This should have happened a lot sooner, however due to a slight misunderstanding between the oncologist’s office and myself about a missed appointment that set things back a week … and some difficulty in getting medical stuff from the hospital that did the surgery to the hospital doing the cancer treatment … well, let’s just say things haven’t been progressing as quickly as I would have liked.
Honestly, I’m not totally sure where this fear is coming from. For the past several weeks, I’ve been preparing myself … if that’s the right word for it … for what I know is about to come. So far, the only thing all the doctors I’ve seen over the past few weeks have agreed upon is that it’s going to get worse before it gets better. The radiation, they tell me, is going to hurt … they say it’ll irritate the cancerous abscess and most likely make that area swell up … but without the radiation the darn thing won’t heal. Hopefully that won’t last too long.
Then again, I’ve been in so much pain the past couple of months … especially when I have to … um … go number two … which unfortunately human beings need to do every day … I’m almost starting to think I’ve gotten used to it.
I also know that the chemo isn’t going to be a walk in the park either. I know it’s going to leave me weak and drained for a day or two … they say I probably won’t feel like eating … but within a few days that’ll go away until the next cycle starts. Hey, looking on the bright side … maybe this will help me lose that last 20 pounds I just can’t seem to take off. Size 34 jeans, here I come. Hey, I still have an old pair of Size 32 pants I just haven’t been able to part with – so you never know…
But, as I’ve said … over the past several weeks, I’ve been trying to prep myself for the time when the treatment will finally start … and right now, my attitude is somewhere between “Bring It On” and “Can’t we get started already?”
So, why do I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach … you know, the one you get right after you step on the banana peel, but before you hit the ground, when all you have time to do is think, “Holy Sh…” before you try to stumble into the bathroom for some Aleve.
Well, wherever this fear is coming from … I have a feeling I’ll get through this …
Somehow …
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