Are You As Confused As I Am?

Sometimes, you find something silly on the internet and you can’t help but blog about it, right?

Now, I’ve always wanted to go to London. Before I die, I would like to … at least once. Why haven’t I gone yet? Well … it isn’t exactly the kind of place I can hop on my bicycle and just go… Right?

In the computer classes I teach, we like to cover some of the really cool things you can do on Google… search for information … look up movie show times and reviews … finding driving directions … So I was thinking, what if I wanted to go to Miami – how could I get there? Cool. That doesn’t sound so bad. Ok, what if I wanted to drive to Cancun (it is Spring Break, ya know.) Oh, drats! Google can’t tell me how to get there. Oh-well. How about London? What the [BLEEP]? Check this out…

I can “drive” to London?

Check out Step 20: Swim across the Atlantic Ocean (3,462 mi) … What?

Watch out London … here I come. (Just bear in mind that Google Maps also says it’ll take me over 29 days to get there… sigh)

How Big Is Your … Um … Condom?

I tend not to believe stereotypes, especially when it comes to penis size - although that’s not the kind of thing I normally spend that much mental energy on. As a man with big hands and big feet - I am constantly asked if it’s true what they say about guys with big feet … and it’s not. We don’t all become clowns.

I don’t know if any of these stereotypes have ever been put to scientific tests… but then I found this news story from the BBC news service that … well, it puts an interesting spin on the old stereotype notions.

Seems guys in India are complaining that their condoms are too big.

A survey of over a thousand Indian men concluded that condoms made to international standards are just too big for them. Over half of the men measured as part of this scientific study, by the Indian Counsel of Medical Research, found their penis was considerably smaller than the international standard for condom size. In fact, 60% of the men measured were three to five centimeters short.

They also found that one in every five times a condom is used, it would either fall off or break.

Now, beyond the obvious psychological issues associated with penis size, there’s an even bigger reason this study was important.

India, currently, has one of the highest HIV infection rates in the world. Condoms are an important part of the fight against the spread of HIV. If a condom falls off, it can’t prevent the spread of HIV.

So, they’re calling for a bit of change in India, in making condoms of various sizes available in more places and more ways.

But the bottom line is that a huge cock isn’t all that important. It’s not the size of the tool that’s important, but how the tool is used. It’s not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean. It’s … OK, you get the idea.

Do Pretty Girls … An Update

The same day I posted my last post - Mythbusters: Do Pretty Girls Fart? - a kind of funny thing happened that … well … let’s just say we can use it for additional evidence.

I found this story on the BBC News website: Flatulence Leads US Jet To Divert.

Here’s the story (I can’t make this up): A female passenger on an American Airlines flight had a medical condition that made her rather flatulent. Now, that can be rather embarrassing in a small metal box like an airplane - so she decided to carry on some safety matches (which are not against TSA rules, unlike … well … nail clippers). Whenever she would fart, she would strike a match, which she thought would mask the smell of her intestinal gas.

It’s not been reported whether or not anyone complained about the smell of her cutting the cheese, but they did complain about the smell of sulfer - causing the airplane to make an emergency landing in Nashville. All passengers were forced to evacuate the airplane as it was searched. The culprit was caught, but released by the FBI once it was determined she had “no malicious intent” but was simply trying to cover her body odor.

The farting passenger was allowed to take another flight.

What is not clear is whether or not she was still allowed to carry matches or if someone slipped some Gas-Ex into her coffee before the flight.

Mythbusters: Do Pretty Girls Fart?

Found this on the Internet … it probably needs no introduction, but…

Just in case you didn’t know - Mythbusters is a show on The Discovery Channel that puts popular myths and urban legends to scientific tests. It’s always fun and interesting to watch … but for some reason, I don’t remember seeing this one on The Discovery Channel…

So, let’s find out what happens when the Mythbusters crew tackles the urban myth - do pretty girls … you know … pass gas … cut the cheese … have attacks of flatulence … hang out near barking spiders … you know …

Do pretty girls fart?

Only In America

At first I thought they were kind of funny. Then I thought some film student just had too much time on their hands. But, then I thought … Maybe, just maybe … It’s a good example of social commentary. No. I am not talking about paparazzi videos of Britney Spears Crotch.

I’m talking about a few movie trailers on YouTube.

The “Scary Mary” trailer of Mary Poppins is one example. Take a few clips from the film, throw in some scary music - and the trailer makes the movie look more like The Exorcist or The Omen than The Sound of Music.

And then there’s the Harry Potter and the Closet of Secrets trailer … that makes Harry Potter look like good movie competition for Brokeback Mountain.

Or, how about the new Shining trailer … the one that makes Stanley Kubrick’s movie of Stephen King’s The Shining look like a heartwarming story of a boy in search of a father figure.

Yes - these kinds of things are kind of fun to watch. We all probably know that Mary Poppins isn’t a horror flick, Harry Potter is not a gay love story, and the Shining … well, that movie scared the crap out of me when I was a kid.

But, what if we had never even heard of those movies before? Would we want to see those movies after watching the (fake) trailers?

It just got me thinking about all the stuff we see on the evening news. There’s a myth or urban legend floating around that says the evening news is supposed to be unbiased and fair to both sides of a news story. Maybe when Barbara Walters was a budding journalist - that was the case, but that notion seemed to fly out the window a long time ago.

In fact, lately it seems like the evening news is nothing but opinion.

Case in point. Gwyneth Paltrow recently made a statement to some Portuguese newspaper - and before long, it was all over the American press how Gwyneth was Anti-American … how Gwyneth went on an America-Bashing spree. Whatever she said must have been real bad, to cause this much fury … right?

Finally I watch the news to learn that all Mrs. Paltrow said was that she preferred living overseas because the Brits tended to be a little smarter and more cultured. But, all the promos were promising me information on why Gwyneth hates America … why Gwyneth thinks Americans are stupid … why she dislikes the American culture so bad. But, she actually said nothing of the sort. Not at all.

I felt bad … mostly because I thought she had a good, valid point. America - the country that made Borat the Number One movie for how long now … the same country that gave us such memorable films as Talladega Nights or Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle … the same country that unleashed Beavis & Butthead into the world … and yes, the same country that went ballistic when the President got caught getting a blog job … that made such a big deal over Janet Jackson’s left tit and Britney Spears naked shaved crotch getting out of a limo … and …

So what if someone thinks America is dumb. I’m sorry - I love America - I love being an American - but we’ve done some pretty stupid things over the years, and American Culture … oh, don’t even let me go there.

Gwyneth, my friend (can I call you that?) … I totally understand and can relate with what you said. I’d live in Brittan too if I could … (and not just because I’m a sucker for a guy with an accent, either…)

All this just makes me wonder … why I even watch TV? I don’t believe the news is telling us the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth … so … how the heck do we really know what’s going on in the world.

I’m Sorry, Britney Spears, But…

Today, December 1st, is World AIDS Day.

Part of me had expected to wake up today and see this fact posted all throughout the blogsphere … I expected to see major stories on the morning news … but, no. What do I wake up to?

Well, I woke up to Britney Spears Crotch. Why? Who knows? Maybe she wants to make a statement that it’s ok for women to go free-balling while wearing skimpy miniskirts? Was she just too waisted to realize the cold air blowing up her coochie was trying to tell her something. Or was Britney Spears’ shaved privates a political statement? (Look, World! No More Bush) Did Sex-Tape-Scandal-Queen Paris Hilton ask her to do it? Is this a publicity stunt - Britney Spears stars in new Leave It To Beaver movie to be announced tomorrow?

It’s sad … on so many levels. I don’t know where to start.

Maybe I’m not like you - but I really don’t want to see the Britney Spears Beaver Shots! At least, not today.

Censorship

Maybe this is old news - I don’t know. It was new to me. Over Thanksgiving, a friend showed this to me … so I thought I would pass it on to you.

I’ve never been a fan of censorship … especially in this day and age … so if you’re like me - maybe you’ll enjoy this.

Sex Toy or Weapon Of Mass Distruction?

I found an article in the Chicago Sun-Times and figured I had to share it with you.

Here’s the story.

A young man and his mother who were on their way to Turkey on August 16th, and ran into an unexpected problem at the airport. Seems the young man was carrying a penis pump in his carry-on luggage. When the female airport security guard found it in his bag, she held it up and asked the young man what it was.

Ok, the kid’s embarrassed. He was just caught with a sex toy by airport security and in front of his mother too. So, the young, embarrassed man, silently and nervously told the agent it was “a pump”. Unfortunately, the security agent thought she heard the word “bomb” … so all hell broke loose.

The kid’s court process has already started, although his next court date isn’t scheduled until September 13.

(What Americans Know … Part Two)

The day after I posted What Americans Know, I came across these… Yeah, I know, they’re about six years old … but I figured what the heck … I’d post them anyway. They appear to be from some Canadian show (I’m getting the impression this guy is something like our own Jon Stewart) … and they don’t need much explanation.

Unless … that is you don’t know the first thing about Canada. (Like … they don’t all live in igloos … there are oceans on either side of them … Saskatchewan is in Canada and not the Middle East … stuff like that.)

Talking To Americans - Part 1

Talking To Americans - Part 2

Talking To Americans - Part 3

Talking To Americans - Part 4 

Talking To Americans - Part 5